The saga continues...like you wanna hear it.

So as to prevent nausea


Day One/SceneTwo

We are, naturally, the last group to board the plane – part of group F, which undoubtedly has some sort of “Fashion Failure” connotation. They still let us board though, and for this I am eternally grateful.

Stepping onto the plane I feel as though I am walking into an 80’s gay bar meets backstage at “The View”. Lavender colored acrylic divides the uber cool from the regular cool and us. Soft purple lights wash up the cabin walls and line the ceiling. The flight crew is swaddled in sleek black uniforms with an occasional splash of red. Ambient, new agey music softly plays we take our black leather seats. Oooo...

Looking at the crew, I see the work of the selection criteria board is immediately apparent. Again, I imagine what the list looks like.

Crew members must include at least one of each of the following:
Cute gay boy with spiky hair
Dark haired Asian beauty
Pretty blond chick from American heartland
Strikingly handsome/lovely dark skinned man or woman
Other random lovelies

I immediately sort through the contents of the little catch bin in front of me. I find a tastefully designed barf bag, a tastefully designed emergency procedures manual, a tastefully designed menu, a tastefully designed welcome brochure, and a box of no roll crayons. Since I imagine that in my future, crayons will be the only implements that I am allowed to write with, I play with them first. This behavior earns an icy glare from the little one. I put them back. I'll get back to them later when she is sleeping.

I start to monkey with the personal viewing screen and discover that there is a remote control imbedded in the arm of my seat. I am oddly charmed and overly impressed. I wonder if Richard Branson would consider adopting me. I can cook and don't often soil myself.

My morning tea was laced with Dramamine so I spend the flight alternately drooling on myself while sleeping and playing with the entertainment system. Needless to say, it takes me most of the flight to figure out what my eleven year old nephew could figure out in ten minutes, tops. By the time I am comfortable with the system we are bouncing onto a rainy San Francisco runway.

We had some great Dim Sum for lunch at a little place in the Richmond and are getting ready to watch the Oscars even though we haven’t seen even one of the movies.

I have not yet had a glass of wine but I hope to remedy that situation shortly.